The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
