living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
