Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize