Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
