My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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