idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
