went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
