I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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