I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
