Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
