can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
