Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
