Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
