He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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