Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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