Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
