Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm really busy with my period
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