can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
