I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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