I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
