the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
