they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
