i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
