Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Are we still banned from the library?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
