So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
