Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
