u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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