the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update