bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
