You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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