Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.

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(917): She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun. http://tfl.nu/sejn

Replies (23) Good night (2930) Bad night (865)
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(813): View more from Florida

I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.

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(813): I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came. http://tfl.nu/sa7y

Replies (30) Good night (7236) Bad night (941)
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(816): View more from Missouri

I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

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(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book. http://tfl.nu/rwum

Replies (44) Good night (877) Bad night (10495)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

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(609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md

Replies (46) Good night (1268) Bad night (6771)
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(415): View more from California

SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!

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(415): SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT! http://tfl.nu/38ig

Replies (26) Good night (4532) Bad night (1131)
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(850): View more from Florida

When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?

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(850): When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember? http://tfl.nu/i061

Replies (6) Good night (2807) Bad night (944)
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(713): View more from Texas

Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...

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(713): Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation... http://tfl.nu/5jek

Replies (8) Good night (2312) Bad night (1184)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'

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(703): Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention' http://tfl.nu/1dne

Replies (3) Good night (1280) Bad night (646)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.

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(651): Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle. http://tfl.nu/f80s

Replies (12) Good night (1112) Bad night (865)
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(415): View more from California

The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.

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(415): The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes. http://tfl.nu/qcrt

Replies (4) Good night (1344) Bad night (680)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will

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(302): I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will http://tfl.nu/3pox

Replies (4) Good night (987) Bad night (825)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.

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(702): Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents. http://tfl.nu/6lkq

Replies (4) Good night (965) Bad night (457)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...

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(480): Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch... http://tfl.nu/farg

Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (807)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.

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(612): All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys. http://tfl.nu/oflp

Replies (5) Good night (360) Bad night (558)
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(707): View more from California

I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?

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(707): I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going? http://tfl.nu/srmm

Replies (6) Good night (289) Bad night (713)

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