pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
