He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
