You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
