it wasn't lemon gatorade
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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