I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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