is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
