I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
