okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
