some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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