just come out here and I will go home with you...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Holy sore nipples Batman
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
