God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
