Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
