im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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