She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
