I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
