I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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