just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
