I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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