omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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