i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
