Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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