Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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