what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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