did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
