Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
