I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
