You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
