he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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