You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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