Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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