3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
