I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize