the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
