and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
