I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call