I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character