My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.