woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
