Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
